They should really pass out barf bags in church
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
