Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
