one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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