my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
