You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
