ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
