She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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