I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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