I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
