he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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