You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
