Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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