Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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