i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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