When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
