i love accidental penises.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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