so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
