dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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