Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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