All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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