tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
