You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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