Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
