i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
