i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
