You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
