So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
