There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
