Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize