She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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