we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
