someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So many bounce houses so little time
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
