Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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