I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize