My brain says no but my pants say off.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
