i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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