Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
