i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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