i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
