Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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