Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
