I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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