If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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