yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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