She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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