yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
