Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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