Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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