Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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