Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
