I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
