Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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