You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
