honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Randomize
