Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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