Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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