what day is it and did you see me today?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
