I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
