A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
