Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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