Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
