What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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