So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
