A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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