smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
