maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
