what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
