You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
