ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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