Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
