Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
