one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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