I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
