im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
