He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
