she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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