I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
this hospital has no fireball
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
