Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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