Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
