guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
