I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
