apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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