Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
