Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
