farters have to be the big spoon...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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