Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
