I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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