Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
