thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize