i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
