I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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