She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
