I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize