So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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