Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
