great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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