I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
