She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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