they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
