I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
